Stop Competing for “Who Have the Worst Life”
Whenever someone is telling you their misery, the correct answer is almost definitely not “You’re still fine; I had worse”. Stop doing it.
If someone is telling you their misery, it means that they trust you with their problems. It means that they need to be heard, especially from you. Whether they need your advice from their condition is another problem, but they need you to listen first.
This whole mindset is something that might have been fed into our mind since we’re young. Remember when we don’t want to eat a particular type of food or simply don’t finish our plate, our parents are going to tell us that “You should be grateful, African children can’t eat like this”?
Well, that’s correct.
You should be grateful, a lot of children in Africa is starving, and you should finish your meal. But starving African children should not be my motivation to eat my food. And this thing has been told by our parents (and probably their parents too) since we were young.
Someone else’s misery should not be my motivation not to feel despair. Anyone’s gratefulness should not be based on other people’s anything.
That, among other things, might contribute our instinct to “console” other people’s complain with our complaint. Stop doing the “He had worse, she had worse” stuff. It’s not helping. You’re just throwing more sadness to someone who’s already sad.
Perspective on other people’s sadness is not something that they can handle when their world is in ruin right now. They need you to listen, and that’s what essential for them. Most of the time, they just need someone to talk to.
And last but not least,
Sadness is not a competition. Stop competing for one. You’re just boasting your self with sadness, and it’s not helping anyone.